May was pivotal, for me at least. I turned the big 45, we found a great home to move to in July...Billericay here we come! ...and I was diagnosed with Synovial Sarcoma, a rare type of cancer.
Whilst the first two were whooo hooo!, the last one felt like one of those moments in life where there’s a distinct before, line drawn, and then ...after.
Since then it’s been the mad dash in and out of London for daily radiotherapy and being meticulous about the conservation of my time and energy.
I’ve seen things that have left an indelible stamp upon my soul and met some truly remarkable people. I’ve unraveled the thoughts that I’m never to ask for help and instead placed myself in the hands of loved ones and strangers alike.
I’ve seen how incredibly blessed I am.
When I first found out, in my usual style I went into fight mode. I was gonna kick cancer’s ass. Hell, I’ve got work to do. But then I was talking to this lady who has travelled this path before and she said something which made me stop in my tracks. She said “ Deb, this is you. These are your cells. Even the cancer is still you. You’ve got to love it. “ And I’ve been kind and compassionate to every part of me since. This experience deserves respect and gentleness. I deserve it.
The one takeaway I have had from this part of my journey is how unbelievably powerful love is. I see parents with their children, partners with their loved ones, siblings and friends all being human barriers to this disease, like a wall of care placed around the heart, soul and body of the person undergoing treatment.
And that, in my humble opinion, is the only thing that matters in this world and quite literally the only thing we can take with us into the next.
To love and to be loved, whether by a partner, friend, a pet, or you loving yourself in your entirety. Whichever capacity works best for you.
All the other stuff is just filler. Don’t get lost in that stuff. That’s not where the juice is.
Life is what happens whilst we are busy making plans. Enjoy the small things.
Now let’s see where June takes me...
Hugs, Deb 💖✨🦋 xoxo
I left school at age 15 due to some pretty intense bullying. Although I had been placed in another school where I’d met a lovely girl to help me try overcome this, anxiety and panic attacks had bitten hard and I didn’t really shake them for many, many years after. They were so crippling that I developed agoraphobia which rendered me unable to go out in public. I’d always been a highly sensitive child but my sensitivity had really begun to turn on me. It was during this time that I got put into a program for early school leavers and kids who were really struggling. Being pretty much paint by numbers it was kind of depressing because no one really wanted to be there.
Then she arrived. Sure, it seemed like a normal day at first. But then I heard a click of heels coming down the corridor and in burst this lady, dressed head to toe in red and with a sleek blonde bob. I immediately sat up. She was unlike anyone, energetically speaking, I’d ever encountered. Holy guacamole and she also spoke with this amazing Dutch accent. Her name was Anyes.
This woman gave more of a damn about the kids sitting in the room than even they did for themselves. She spoke with optimism and passion. She was strict and commanded respect but was also compassionate and kind. She was so into what she was teaching. I had had many teachers in my lifetime but none were actually born to teach. This woman was.
She gave me hope. She reignited my dreams. Hell, she helped me see I even had them in the first place. She made me realise that I was more than where I’d come from, my socioeconomic background, my current place in my life. She lifted my vision and reminded me, even just through the way she dressed and spoke that there was a big wild world out there. And I could be a part of it. And I didn’t have to compromise my essence to do so.
I started to step out, quite literally, and tentatively joined the land of the living again. None of it was easy. 30 years on, the path I’ve chosen still isn’tand I stumbled many times - who hasn’t? - but its the only one for me. When I first stepped up on the runway with my modelling, my mother rejoiced like I’d just climbed Everest. Maybe I will one day. The climb, you see, had been that arduous. Feel the fear and do it anyway. This is coming from a person who very almost wasn’t here because of it. Fear I mean.
I wanted to share this to help you see that I am a living, breathing example of what someone being true to their passion can do. She ignited my world and changed my life forever. To heed your calling is one of your most gracious honours, no matter how noble or humble. So be brave, if you get knocked down 9 times, get up 10, find your courage, pursue your passion with dignity and set the damn room on fire. It’s now or never baby.
And by the way. Anyes was an Aries. We’ve all got it in us, somewhere. Go find it.
Anyes…from this world to where you are are in the next, thank you from the bottom of my soul. xxxx
New Moon in Aries
LON April 5 9:50am
SYD April 5 7:50pm
NY April 5 4:50am
I'm a 4th generation Psychic, Astrologer and Tarot reader with over 20 years professional experience. This is my quirky, down-to-earth and honest portrayal of the day to day life of a reader, various channeled messages and astro lore. Enjoy! Ask questions, have fun, explore. Thanks for visiting!